Hi. I have posted this question a bit, so if you see it again and are annoyed, I will quickly come to defend that I will post a different excerpt. I am 14 and writing a fantasy book. Please give me honest feedback and constructive criticism. If you enjoyed it, here is a link to my other question with a different excerpt:http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;... Here is the synopsis (which is bad, it's just a makeshift): When 15-year-old Skye and Belle’s mother dies under mysterious circumstances, they find themselves in an alternate world. Part of an ancient prophecy to defeat the Serpens, an evil council made up of murderers striving for power, they are put to the test using skills, strength, and their own inner will. And finally, the excerpt (which is way different than the other one, which has action. This is more romance) “Okay girls. We, meaning Bastian and I, have set up targets at the end of the field. By the end of the week, I expect you to be a couple of inches within the center circle.” I gulped as I saw how small the target was. Narik handed us bows and we went to stand on a chalked line, Bastian coming to a stop beside me. I noticed the size of his forearms and muscles with a small blush. In return for my small blush, I got a weird look from Bastian. Great. “Okay. Show me what you got.” Bastian said, his blue-green eyes twinkling. I picked up an arrow and confidently knocked it in the bow, and then, I let it fly. The arrow went up… and nosedived a couple of feet away. Oh dear. That’s embarrassing, I thought. I knew that beside me Bastian was stifling his amusement. I wanted to hit him. “Here, let me show you.” He came around behind me and gently put one hand on my right upper arm, the other placed on my left lower arm. He pulled my elbow back a bit, angling the bow more towards the sky. He released my elbow, to grab an arrow and knock it in for me. He reclaimed his grip on my arm, soothingly rubbing my arm. What a distraction. He lowered his face to mine, and whispered in my ear, “Now. Let go.” I released. It soared over to the target, hitting the corner of the cloth. I was in euphoria. I turned my head to look at him, and thank him. He was looking at me, something unreadable in his eyes. They were sea waves, lulling me calm. We stood like that for a long minutes, gazing into each other’s eyes, his hand slowly circulating on my arm. I felt as if I were drowning. As for your comment Runningbear, that's how I thought it was too. But on the word check it shows up as not a word.

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I think it's good but I think you need to dramatize more. Don't get me wrong, I liked it. But, you need more dialouge and more setting.

I agree, it feels like you're rushing through it a bit. Take some time - enjoy every moment. It's good though. (BTW, you 'nock' an arrow, with no 'k'.)